Brovo
New Member
The Teacher.
Posts: 44
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Post by Brovo on Apr 20, 2009 18:01:35 GMT -5
This is the discussion thread for this story. (link: thesecrethideaway.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=stories&action=display&thread=25)This story is based on a Roleplay game of Rolemaster (which is a lot like D&D) which me and my family decided to participate in. In fact, it's still going as we speak. There will of course be some minor, and maybe even a couple of major changes as I evolve the story to be a story instead of a game.. Although I hope you can see some of the similarities in this story to a game of Rolemaster eh' hehe. The Story section will go up soon, though I gotta go as we speak so I'll try to get it up soon. Until then, toodles. Lies, it's up now! IT'S UP NOW!!
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Brovo
New Member
The Teacher.
Posts: 44
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Post by Brovo on May 1, 2009 0:27:27 GMT -5
Updated.
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Post by Archangel on May 1, 2009 10:05:36 GMT -5
Hey man, I hope you don't Mind a little critique on your story. I am posting here so I don't interupt the flow of your story. The over all story is good, but it reads more like a summery than a story. I don't know if that was your intention, but if it wasn't, you should try to be more discriptive. You can describe the surroundings as well as what the characters are doing between the main action points.
Also, try and describe the person once. You don't have to keep saying, David the Ranger or Robert the Warrior. If people are following the story they will know that already. It just gets a little tidious. Its like your mom calling you "John Robert Smith" Evertime she says your name. (I don't know your real name so I made one up)
I hope you don't take this offensivly, I am just trying to help out. I'm working on an English major. Just thought I would help you hone your writing ability.
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Brovo
New Member
The Teacher.
Posts: 44
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Post by Brovo on May 1, 2009 13:41:15 GMT -5
Yeah. It is basically summarized. I'm trying to swing myself into the groove of it. >.> Until then I didn't want this topic to sit here and rot for two months. xD
Also, as for the whole "Robert the Warrior" thing, it's because I'm going to assume that people are going to skip read through most of it so I stated the term more then once in the first two chapters. I don't intend to mention them by those end tags anymore though.
Also congrats on going for that English major. Good luck with it.
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Post by Archangel on May 1, 2009 14:14:19 GMT -5
Thanks brother. I wouldn't worry about the ones who skip read. It's their own fualt if they get lost. It just becomes an eyesore to those dedicated to the read, and could cuase them to end up skip reading or stop reading. When you start writing the story out, I would even describe their traits to make people realize that they are warriors or rangers. Just my thoughts. I'm sure you already knew that. Good luck with your story my friend.
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Brovo
New Member
The Teacher.
Posts: 44
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Post by Brovo on May 1, 2009 14:16:32 GMT -5
Arigato Archangel. I'll work on it.. Just gotta get into the swing of things.. Haven't truly written anything in months.
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Brovo
New Member
The Teacher.
Posts: 44
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Post by Brovo on May 1, 2009 17:07:38 GMT -5
Update: I'm probably going to drop this. I've got a busy life and I should focus on Roleplaying over individual writing. Plus, this story doesn't look like it can go anywhere when it's tied to a Roleplaying game. >.>
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Post by Archangel on May 1, 2009 23:25:45 GMT -5
Thats cool man, do what you need to do. Don't get discuraged, I have had several games spark stories and they took off.
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